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קוראים מתרגשים
The Second Column
What do the Filipinos who live among us think of us, the Israelis?
(the original column in Hebrew)
"In the Philippines, even when the parents are elderly, we live together, with the grandchildren. Here, when a mother gets old, they bring her to a nursing home or bring a nanny to live with her, and the children visit once a week." Tobit Neizer interviewed Filipinas who work as nannies in Israel and compiled the answers for a column that teaches us about ourselves, as we appear to foreigners.
My research journey to understand Filipino caregivers in Israel sharpened the cultural gaps between the countries. I set out to understand how a mother leaves her children for several years and thousands of kilometers away. The goal was to design and write believable characters for my book. As a mother of two young daughters, I believed that the stories about separation and distance would be difficult and moving, and they were indeed.
I assumed I would hear about cases of abuse simply because they were women and temporary workers in a foreign country, and indeed, these things surfaced in my conversations with them. Along with that, I also heard about cultural differences and how Israelis appear to them.
"I was shaking all over, my head told me it wasn't good"
Anna, a young woman with big brown eyes, tells me in Hebrew how on Fridays she goes to church at the central station or to the Tel Aviv or Jaffa ports with friends. "I don't go alone, I'm afraid because of what happened to me."
Three months after arriving in Israel, she went to the central bus station to send money home. "A normal day at noon, I ordered a taxi at noon, not at night," she emphasizes, then recalls how the taxi driver asked her if she wanted a massage.
"Israelis are not bothered by what they wear and it looks good on them." Rea Manalang Velasco
"I didn't understand Hebrew very well, I didn't know anything, I was new. He said, 'You don't have to pay me, I'll pay you 150 shekels.' I replied that I had to go home quickly, grandma was at home. Don't worry, he told me, 'Honey, cutie, take a little walk, you know how to give a massage, I'll give you 150 shekels.' I was shaking all over, my head told me that this wasn't good." She secretly called the employer's daughter without knowing the location of the taxi she was in.
"I asked to go to Soutin Street in Tel Aviv, I was in a taxi for so long. He told me: 'Don't worry, we're just driving around, honey, get a massage,'" he tried to take my phone and I told him the phone didn't have a card. He told me, you don't need a phone, and then we stopped because he said the car had a problem."
The employer's daughter had meanwhile called the police, and the police found them on the streets. "It is so bad that people are like that, it's noon, not evening, so scary. I put my arm to the door, I wanted to jump, I have a daughter, I work here and she's waiting. I was sitting in the back and when the police arrived they asked him: 'What did she do? she is new to Israel' And he answered 'I'm new too, I don't know the way,' that's what he said. My whole body was shaking. The driver patted my knee, said 'Don't worry, honey, how cute, just a little drive. So tell me, is it easy working here?'"
"I spoke, and they stole it and that's it"
Later, she says, she received compensation from another employer, bought a new phone and spoke to her daughter at the central station. In the middle of the video call, someone took the device from her hand. "My mouth was open, I was talking, and they stole it and that was it. It was only a week since I bought it and it was over. My daughter told me that the thief hung up and she never saw me again." "Now," she says, "the mess is over. "The employers are fine, they're cute."
This story brings together the fringes of the Israeli experience that Filipino caregivers go through. On the street, Anna feels like a prey, but the family members of her employers protect her and respect her.
Myra's third employer, an older man from Holon, doesn't exactly fit the definition of "cute." "I left him because he was in mania. He always told me, 'Take a swimsuit' when I took him to the shower. I was scared. He always asked, 'Why are you conservative?' I worked there for eight months and then he told me he would fire me because I wasn't listening to his instructions. I said I would contact human rights and in the end I left."
Caregivers sometimes experience a gap between the promises they were given before they landed in Israel, and the actual reality that stretches the boundaries a bit. Maureen, in her late 20s, says that when she arrived in Israel, she knew she would be taking care of one person. In fact, she received a family of six - parents and four children, including a paralyzed teenager. In the evenings, she helped the teenager, but during the day she was required to clean the house. She was there for less than a month, "I'm a caregiver, not a housekeeper."
"Everyone is nice to me and treats me like family. But not everyone here treats the caregivers well." Rein Erispe Francisco
Albi's (37) first employer also made demands that went beyond her job description. "He weighed 90 kg and my back still hurts to this day. I asked to stop working for him, his son was the problem, always yelling at me and smoking in a closed house with the air conditioner running. They didn't respect my contract, the employer wanted me to shave his private parts every day and I didn't like that, so I changed employers."
Miracles and holiness
Many of the Christian caregivers attend church on weekends, and as a result feel blessed to have come to live here. Alongside the holiness that can be found here, it is hard to ignore the security situation that can change in a matter of days. Cheryl and Sheila, both 40, have experienced the missiles up close. Before Cheryl came to Israel, she had heard that there were a lot of bombs and missiles. "I used to be afraid of the alarms, but my employer reassured me. A few years ago there were hundreds of missiles and nothing happened, they were just in the sky, it's a miracle. I love Israel and feel blessed."
Shila started working in Israel in a moshav near Ashkelon, and every time missiles fell, the whole house shook. "At first it was scary, but when I saw that people there were used to it, I calmed down. They explained to me that if I heard a siren very close to home, I should go to a shelter, but if it's far away, I'm safe, that's what they told me. When I saw the children playing in the backyard, I realized that it wasn't dangerous. I think the south is calmer than Tel Aviv. Here in Tel Aviv, they heard a distant alarm and people immediately trembled and were afraid. Maybe because in the center it's unusual."
Susanna says she admires Israeli tradition and culture, which express great love for the country. "The young soldiers who guard it, remembering the fallen soldiers and the victims of the Holocaust - these are just a few examples that inspired me. It is a holy place with biblical sites, it is a strong country."
Rea also feels very blessed, "I work here for the chosen people. In my opinion, it is very easy to love Israelis because they value people very much."
"The children don't come at all"
The attitude towards the elderly population is very different between Israel and the Philippines, and they are aware of this difference closely. While they leave their elderly parents behind, who take care of their children, in Israel they take care of elderly people who live alone.
Unlike in Israel, Sharon explains, in the culture she came from, older people live with their families at home. "In the Philippines, even if your parents are old, we are together with the grandchildren," adds Wengi, 52. "Here, when a mother gets old, they bring her to a nursing home or bring a caregiver to live with her, and the children visit once a week. I connect easily, I consider my employer a grandmother. She was 104 years old and when she died, it really affected me."
Sometimes the caregivers live with the same employer for many years and become family members. "The children don't come at all," some of them tell me with an embarrassed smile. And so they sometimes become the only member of the family.
Whether the employer's family is visiting or he is alone, the caregivers address the employers as Aba and Ima in English, a word that sometimes describes a close relationship. Ruby (41), has worked for the same employer for 16 years. "They treat me like family because I have been here for so many years. God forbid, the employer is healthy and not in the hospital. I didn't have a grandmother, she died when I was born, so this is my grandmother."
"He always told me, 'Get a swimsuit' when I took him to the shower. I was scared. He always asked, 'Why are you conservative?'" Myra Domal
Holidays, style and freedom
I ask them about other differences they feel exist between the countries. "You are a first world country," replies Camille (27), "You can compare Israel to the US, you are progressive, your transportation is wow, also in Singapore. Here it is a developed country, you can't compare it to the Philippines. Your buses are on time, or at least scheduled."
Gretchen (31), a single woman who has been in Israel for two and a half years, compares the cost of living between the countries. "The salaries are higher but the cost of living is so expensive. I go to the grocery store and see the prices compared to the Philippines, the restaurants, the mall. The prices are too high. And the books too, I love to read and they are really expensive here." The last book she read was 'A Story of Love and Darkness' by Amos Oz. In addition to the cost of living, she states that people in Israel are more open minded ."
What characterizes Israelis?
"I am very impressed by how Israelis celebrate the holidays with their families," says Susanna, "and Shabbat, with the main focus being on the day of rest and the time spent with loved ones."
Rea also agrees and says that she loves the way the holidays are celebrated here: "It's a time when Israelis get together with the whole family. They prepare a lot for the holidays, and for every holiday they have special food that they prepare, like on Passover and Shavuot (Pentecost)."
The issue of clothing is also noticeable to them compared to the Philippines. Susana says that she does not feel in danger on the street and defines Israelis as relaxed, free and sociable. "They love parties and love to travel and go to the beach and have picnics. They wear sexy clothes and it’s not a problem, and everything revolves around fashion, style and trends. It is fun, and very rewarding to experience life in the Holy Land, a small but very productive country. I am proud to belong to this country."
"In terms of clothing, there's something very cool about it," Rea adds, "They're not bothered by what they wear and it looks good on them." Sharon (34) agrees and says that in the Philippines, "We're not used to revealing clothing, and here it's normal. And there, the husband has to be the breadwinner." In terms of attitudes toward foreigners, Susana describes openness on the part of Israelis. "I don't see discrimination, and there's respect without judgment."
"It's a great feeling to take care of people of old age, of a 'father' who is a relic of the Holocaust." Susanna Byena
Rein Francisco, who has lived in Israel for over 14 years, explains that in her opinion a lot depends on the caregiver’s appearance: "I've been lucky with all the employers I've had. Everyone has been nice to me and treated me like part of the family. But not everyone here treats caregivers well. I have friends who have problems with their employers, and I think it depends on how we look. If we look respectable or smart enough, everything is fine. But if we don't look like that, they can treat us less than equals. The culture is completely different, the big differences are reflected in family ties, education, and character."
Susanna believes that employers are fair and act in accordance with labor laws. "If there is a dispute, then it is resolved with the placement agency, which acts as a mediator between the employer and the employee. It is a great privilege to work with older people," she states, "because they are the chosen ones. I was chosen to be a part of their lives, I learn from them and know more about their history and their story through the holidays throughout the year, through stories of hope and freedom. It is a wonderful feeling to take care of people of old age, of a 'father' who is a relic of the Holocaust."
In one of the nursing homes, I meet Shoshana (88), who presents things from the Israeli perspective and says that the Filipino women perform sacred work for the elderly. "Kudos to them. They get paid, but not everyone will agree to tolerate the illnesses and madness of an elderly person, there are also unkind elderly people."
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